A Pig's Life
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: AU. On his first visit to the Tendo dojo, Ryoga goes into a wrong room. This leads to interesting situations as he becomes Ranma's pet, Ryokun. To his horror Ryoga soon notices that he is attracted to his 'owner'. Eventual shounen ai RanmaXRyoga. Hiatus.
1. Pervert Piggy

Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: I just flipped through the second album to see what caused Ryoga's love for Akane... And noticed that it was her care for P-chan. So, as a definite slash fan, I got this idea: What about if it had been Ranma who adopted the little pig? And what if Ryoga fell in love with Ranma-chan instead? Well, this is my version of what would have happened... And I promise not to make it just a copy of the ogirinal storyline with Akane's and Ranma's positions swapped in relation to Ryoga. Not that it would manage, anyway.

WARNINGS: There will be slash/yaoi/shounen-ai RanmaXRyoga in later chapters. That won't come along for a while yet, though.

Rating may or may not go up later on.

* * *

A Pig's Life 

Chapter 1:

Pervert Piggy

* * *

Hibiki Ryoga looked at the house in front of him, fuming. A glance at the sign on the wall of the dojo told him enough. "Tendo Dojo." So this was where Ranma Saotome was residing. At the moment the bastard was probably peacefully sleeping. Well, not too long anymore. 'Today, Ranma... You meet your end!' he thought vengefully, his face darkening momentarily. With this one thought, he made to find Ranma. 

Finding Ranma's room was easy. Well, it would have been easy, had it not been for Ryoga's sense of direction. As it was, however, he soon found himself in a room that definitely didn't look like it could belong to Ranma. The shõjo manga albums, the stuffed ... No, this was a girl's room. And there was a girl sleeping there, too... namely, one Tendo Akane, sound asleep in her own bed.

Well, at least she _had_ been sound asleep. Just as Ryoga made to exit the room to try to find Ranma's bedroom, she suddenly blinked slowly, then sat up, glancing sleepily around. As soon as her eyes met the intruder in the dark room, however, she screamed out in rage. "Eeeek! A pervert!" she screeched, then made to attack him. Where on Earth did she pull the mallet from, Ryoga couldn't even begin to guess.

Intent on not showing his face to somebody who thought of him as a pervert, Ryoga made a hasty exit through the -- thankfully -- open window, opening his trusted umbrella just in time to avoid getting. Unfortunately, this did not stop the girl's chase after him, like he'd thought would happen. Instead, she just jumped out after him. Leaping from the balcony, Akane didn't seem to mind the fall; she was concentrated solely on catching and bashing the "pervert" she had seen in her room.

Unfortunately, her scream had also woken up other occupants of the house. More precisely, Ranma was now, unknown to the two people outside, making her way down the stairs to examine the source of the noise. In the stairway, however, she was met by Kasumi. "Did you hear it, too, Ranma?" she asked.

"Yeah," replied the boy. "I'm gonna find out what caused that. I think I heard somebody outside, too." With this, he started to rush towards the door, then pulled it open to look outside. In the rain that was pouring rather heavily he saw Akane and another vaguely familiar figure. At first he was confused, but then he recognized the umbrella and the backpack.

"I think that's Ryoga," Ranma mused aloud. "I dunno what he's doing here... If he's come to challenge me again, I'm gonna kill him. It's past two AM, I wanna sleep." As if to point this out, he yawned.

Ryoga, this far concentrated solely on his fight, now heard even the hushed tones Ranma was using to talk with Kasumi. Therefore, he glanced towards the source of the voice, and froze momentarily as he recognized the primary target of his vengeance. Before he could even growl, "Ranma!", however, he was stunned as Akane kicked him. And that kick, rather effectively, ended the fight.

Oh, Ryoga had taken much damage earlier. Usually even the strongest kicks from Akane wouldn't have done much for him. Even now, it didn't harm him except for forming a small bump, although it did surprise him that he'd been distracted much enough for Akane to get a hit in. However, the most important part was that she had knocked his umbrella aside. In an instant the rain started to soak him and his clothes.

Without stopping to think, Ryoga rushed off as fast as he could. He would not transform in front of Ranma and his damned fiancée. He most certainly would never do that. Therefore, he had to hide.

"Hey! Don't even try to hide, you pervert!" screeched Akane. The mallet still steadily in her hand, she now ran towards the direction her opponent had disappeared to. Ranma, now bored rather than amused, yawned again. It was no fun to watch the empty yard now that both Akane and Ryoga had left.

"Oh, I'm so glad it was just a friend of yours," sighed Kasumi. "Now I can rest easily. Thank you for coming to investigate, Ranma! You'll make sure Akane gets back sleeping in time, won't you?"

"Maybe," replied Ranma, not really interested. His eyes glanced around the yard for the last time, and he suddenly saw something odd. Not thinking it to be anything special at first, he rushed to see what it was. It wasn't until he felt his body change into a more shapely one that he -- or, rather, she -- realized his mistake. Sighing, she still rushed towards the odd thing. Might as well do that; she was already wet.

To her great surprise, this "odd thing" was a little pig. A small, black pig, with a yellow-black bandanna around his neck and big, almost frightened eyes. Picking it up, Ranma eyed him closely. Then, she smiled.

"Do you know who you remind me of?" she asked teasingly, hurrying back inside. The little pig was kind of amusing, especially with the bandanna, and she just knew he would annoy Akane greatly. She certainly didn't need more reason to take him inside from the rain. "You're kinda like Ryoga. You have a similar bandanna, plus you turn up unexpectedly. I think I'll call you Ryo-chan." She flashed an evil grin. "Or Ryo-kun? Lessee." With this, she lifted the wriggling and protesting pig up. "Oh, yeah, you're a male. Ryo-kun, then. Although I wouldn't much object to calling you Ryo-chan... just because."

If the pig wanted to protest about that, he didn't make it known. Therefore, Ranma happily carried the pig into the living room. There she dried at first herself, then the pig. Examining it, she noticed a small bump on his head. Frowning, she muttered, "Who ever would beat a little pig? Some coward, I guess. Well, come on, Ryo-kun. We're gonna get that fixed." Looking at the still shivering pig, she then came to another decision. "Here, let's keep you warm while I look for some bandaids." And she put him inside her shirt.

Ryoga -- or, rather, Ryo-kun -- was feeling _very_ bothered at the moment. It was one thing to challenge Ranma as a man. It was a wholly another thing to be pressed between his -- or her? This was kind of confusing -- breasts when she was a woman. It was... indecent.

Ryo-kun felt himself blush fiercely at the mere thought of where he was currently laying. So, he decided it was best not to think at all and just enjoy his current place.

...Wait a minute... Enjoy! He was a guy, damn it! He wasn't supposed to _enjoy_ being pressed against another guy's... round breasts...

Okay, so maybe something _was_ a bit amiss in this situation. Like, the fact that guys usually didn't have breasts. Ranma, however, had them -- at least now. So, maybe he indeed _could_ enjoy it... In fact, this was almost better than a real girl. He might have felt bad about being crushed against a girl's breasts, but as Ranma was in reality a guy, it didn't count. No need to be embarrassed... No, really...

A moment later, however, he was pulled out of the shirt and put into Ranma's lap. The girl-boy put a bandaid on the bump on his head, the one he'd got from Akane's kick. He flinched away, only to be held firmly on place by Ranma's hand until the aquatranssexual had stopped tending to him.

"Hey, no need to squirm," snapped Ranma. "I'm not gonna hurt you, you know. I ain't the type to attack weak little animals." Putting a finger under the bandanna around his neck, she tucked at it. "Although I do wonder where you got this from... You ain't Ryoga's pig, are you?" she asked, suddenly wary.

At this, Ryo-kun shook his head frantically. No, he didn't want Ranma to think that he had any connection to Hibiki Ryoga. That would only lead to troubles, and big troubles at that.

"You're a clever pig, I see," chuckled Ranma. "Let's see what Akane thinks of you... but whatever she says, I think I'm gonna keep you, Ryo-kun. You're amusing... besides, I'd like to try to teach you some martial arts. Wouldn't that be neat? You'd be the first martial arts expert pig ever!"

At this, Ryo-kun nodded. This was the perfect opportunity! He could stay close to Ranma and learn all about his weak points. Then, he could easily win him in a battle. Simply perfect!

...And the breasts weren't a bad thing, either...

No no no no no. Stupid Ryo-kun. Naughty Ryo-kun. Do not think about her breasts. They're not real.

In any case, it would be easier to stay close to Ranma and observe him in pig form. His sense of direction as a human was bad enough for him to get lost on his way to the door. As a pig, he could actually get around somehow -- he was not an expert, and could still get lost in strange places, but at least he wouldn't get lost on his way from kitchen to living room. That was certainly an improvement from his real form.

"Oh, hi, Akane!" said Ranma then, looking up. Ryo-kun also looked up only to see a very angry, very wet Tendo Akane walking in. Fearing another attack with the mallet, he backed up a little in Ranma's lap.

"What's that?" asked Akane irritably. She glared at Ryo-kun as if he was something slimy and disgusting. For a moment the pig was sure she would attack him, no matter if she actually recognized him.

"This is Ryo-kun," replied Ranma carefreely. "I just found him. Hey, Ryo-kun. Say hi to Akane." Startle by a poke on his side, the pig let out a squeak. This seemingly satisfied Ranma, who grinned cheerfully. "I'm gonna teach him to be the first martial artist pig ever, worthy of being my pet."

Akane's anger slowly faded a bit, and then she looked at the pig indifferently. "Well, at least it's rather cute... Cute enough not to make me throw up, anyway." With that, she turned around. "Oh, well. I guess I'm going to take a bath. I was soaked through while trying to catch the pervert, and he still escaped."

Of course, exactly at that moment, Ryo-kun's nose started to twitch, and it sneezed. Ranma looked at his new pet for a moment, then said, "Hey, warm the piglet up, too. It was wet and cold when I found it."

For a moment, Akane just stared at him disbelievingly. Then she snorted. "Fine. Toss it here." Then, uncaring about the pig's squirming and squeaking, she started to make her way towards the bathroom.

"You're lucky you're cute," grumbled Akane at the pig. "Otherwise I would kill you, you know. I'm really angry now. How did that pervert _dare_ sneak into my room? Well, let's get you warm at first. I'm _not_ going to take a bath with a pig, no matter how cute one." With that, she tossed the pig in the warm bath.

A second later, she was really, really happy about the fact that she still hadn't undressed herself.

"Ryoga!" she asked, shocked. "How you... Why you..." She shook her head, then asked, "You have fallen into a Jusenkyo spring, too, haven't you?" Well, it should have been obvious, but...

"Yes," Ryoga ground out. Inside, he was sighing with relief. Seemingly she hadn't seen the face of the "pervert", or he'd have been in real trouble now. "If you tell Ranma, I'll..." He didn't finish his threat.

"Don't worry!" Akane piped up. "I won't tell him, I swear it by my honour... But... why are you here?"

"I was outside, the rain got me wet, Ranma found me. End of the story," Ryoga explained briefly. By Kami, he'd be damned if he actually told her that he'd been the one in her room! "If you wouldn't mind turning around, I'd like to get myself changed... I don't have any clothes on me, you know."

At that, Akane blushed furiously. "Fine," she muttered, turning around to allow him to get up from the bath. "But you won't be in here when I am bathing, you know!" she added then quickly.

The only reply she got to this was a splash of water and then a snorted, "Bweee!" and then the sound of little hooves tapping towards the door. Snorting, she made sure he had truly left before starting to undress. You never knew with guys, especially with all those perverts running around nowadays.

* * *

Ranma was just starting to wonder what was holding Akane when he heard some noise from the corridor. Looking there, he -- at this point, he had changed back -- saw Akane running along the corridor, a towel around her, chasing a terrified-looking Ryo-kun. Grasping the pig and pulling it to himself, he asked, "What the hell has got into you, Akane? Why're you chasing Ryo-kun? What'd he do to you?" 

"What has he done, you ask!" screamed Akane. "He tried to sneak a peek at me when I was in the bath!"

"What!" Now, Ranma looked amused. "For Kami's sake, Akane, calm down. He's just a pig, not a guy. What's wrong with him seeing you naked? Not that there's much to see, anyway..."

"Ranma no baka!" yelled Akane in rage, whacking him with her ever-trusted mallet. Then, she glared at the pig. How dared he do that, after she promised to keep his secret and all! Well... even if _he_ wasn't honorable, she would be. "By the way, Ranma," she said, forcing herself to calm down a bit. "The pig seems to be afraid of hot water. Maybe somebody's tried to boil it once or something. So, don't pour tea on it or anything like that, unless you want your little _pet_ to get upset." And with that, she turned abruptly around and hurried towards here room.

For a moment, Ranma looked after her, rubbing the place she'd hit. Then, he looked down at Ryo-kun. "Such a sudden change of mind," he muttered. "I'll never understand girls. What about you?"

The black piglet, however, could only shake his head in astonishment. No, he didn't understand girls, either.

Later, while waiting for sleep, Ranma glanced at the half-asleep pig on the side of his futon. "Akane's really weird," he muttered. "I can't believe she'd steep as low as to try to attack a baby pig. Well, don't worry, Ryo-kun," he then said, yawning a bit. "Once I'm done training you, you're gonna bash a few weird girls any day. And until then, I ain't gonna let her come near to you. You're my pig now."

Ryo-kun could hardly do anything but snort in agreement.

* * *

Next chapter: 

Ranma introduces Ryo-kun to the rest of the family and starts his training, while the pig develops an unfortunate attraction to him/her. Kodachi will maybe make an appearance, too, though I give no promises.


	2. Friends or More?

Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: Now, to clear out some things about Ryoga and Ranma and whatever there is going to be between them...

First of all, yes, Ryoga's going to be an uke. I wouldn't have it any other way. He's far softer than Ranma in the end, and far more emotional. I just can't see him being a seme with Ranma.

Secondly, no, he's not falling for Ranma because Ranma's a girl half the time. (That wouldn't work well with him being the uke anyway.) He does use that as an excuse to justify his feelings to himself, yes, but deep down he does know that he likes Ranma even better when he's a boy.

If the development of their relationship seems too fast to you, though, remember these things:

How much did it take from Ryoga to fall hopelessly in love with Akane? One little kiss and a hug. And just how many times has Ranma started to trust his rivals wholeheartedly just because of a couple of noble-hearted words? Too many times to count -- even (or especially) if they've had malicious intentions.

Also, it'll still be quite some time before Ranma realizes the truth about Ryo-kun -- though he does catch up eventually, unlike Akane with P-Chan. Not for a while, though. After all, he can be pretty dumb at times. Well, most of the time. Okay, so almost continuously...

* * *

Now, this will sound like pitiful begging, but... If any of those reading this are interested in Inuyasha, please check out my new story "Prayer to the Winds". It only has a prologue so far, but there will (hopefully) be more. If I don't get enough readers (and reviews) I may decide to not try out a new Fandom yet, no matter how exciting it is.

* * *

A Pig's Life 

Chapter 2:

Friends or More?

* * *

"Do your best, Ranma!" bellowed Genma, preparing to fight with his son. The said son merely smirked before attacking his father. Morning practices could be such fun... especially now. Now, he had a special trick prepared. His father wouldn't even know what hit him. 

For some time Ranma contented himself with just dodging his father's attacks without much difficulty. As Genma then started to taunt him, telling him to attack if he was a man, Ranma jumped into the air and snapped his fingers. In a second a small, black object launched itself from the shadows and hit Genma. The bespectacled man flew backwards, but unfortunately wasn't knocked out.

"Good work, Ryo-kun," Ranma still shouted, laughing. "Your aim's perfect; we only need to work on the force!" The pig 'bwee'd loudly in excitement, then watched as his "master" swiftly kicked his stunned father into the koi pond. Yes, Ryo-kun could definitely have fun while playing Ranma's pet.

_What was that?_ asked the panda's sign as it glared at Ranma. _It is unfair to use outside assistance!_

"Ryo-kun ain't no outside assistance, he's my pet," Ranma said cheerfully. "I'm gonna train him until he can defeat you alone!" Now, he turned towards the said pig. "Come on, Ryo-kun," he said, deciding that he did not want to waste time to becoming a girl that morning. "Let's go and get some breakfast!"

Ryo-kun snorted happily and trotted after the pigtailed boy. This was definitely turning out nicely. After seeing how fast he was, Ranma had asked him to try out being a live missile against his father. Ryo-kun, of course, had agreed. He had certainly enough experience of such a thing; in his travels he had encountered many dangers, and could not always be in his human form. He might have used even more force behind his attack, but it wouldn't do to appear as anything but a usual -- if not a bit agressive -- pig.

This plan could not go wrong, at least not as long as his secret stayed, well, a secret. Ranma didn't suspect anything, that he was sure about. To spy on his enemy and learn his tactics -- what could be better? Especially when the said enemy happened to be rather good-looking at times.

Naughty Ryo-kun, naughty! That would _so_ not do. If he had to think that Ranma was good-looking, he could at least wait until he was a she! This was getting really out of hooves -- er, hands.

Well, anyway. Time for breakfast. The life of a bweeing live missile made you hungry.

* * *

The members of the Tendo family were already settled around the table as Ranma walked in, sat, and set Ryo-kun on the table in front of him. Seemingly he did not think anything strange about that. 

"What exactly is that, Ranma?" asked Nabiki, looking at the pig. She sounded a bit astonished.

"This is my new pet," the boy replied, smirking. "Say hi to Nabiki, Ryo-kun." Again, he poked the pig with his finger, and got an appropriate squeak in response. The pig then glared at him, and he smirked. "Sorry... Ya'll just have to learn to be faster to greet people. I may be bad-mannered, but my pig can't be that!"

"Well, you have about the manners of a pig," snorted Akane, "so it's just fine that you teach him your own manners. That pig can't be any better than you -- he's a pervert, too, after all."

"Don't insult my pig." Ranma stuck out his tongue. Then he picked some noodles from a bowl with his chopsticks and held them for Ryo-kun to snatch. "Come on, Ryo-kun. Eat!"

The pig, of course, was all to happy to do that. "Aww, how cute he is," Kasumi said with her usual smile. "So you've named him Ryo-kun, eh? Now, that's fine. How'd you decide on such a name?"

"Well, his bandanna's kinda like the one that Ryoga guy wears," Ranma said. "Y'know, the one who was here last night? So I thought I'd call him Ryo-kun. I thought about Ryo-chan, too, but..."

"You mean that pervert was Ryoga?" exclaimed Akane in rage. Suddenly she glared at poor Ryo-kun even more hatefully than before. The pig squirmed and squeaked in silent fear.

"Ryoga, not Ryo-kun," Ranma replied. "And 'sides, I hardly think Ryoga's a pervert. More likely he wanted to fight with me and went to the wrong room. He may be an idiot, but not a pervert."

"Well, at least there's one thing where you two aren't the same, then," the girl said, fuming. At this, Ranma glared at her. Ryo-kun, however, did not even seem to notice.

The pig was currently very confused. Ranma had actually stood up for him -- for Ryoga? Sure, at the same time he'd called him an idiot, but still. Could it be possible that Ranma hadn't ruined his life on purpose?

And why exactly did he feel so weird when Ranma did defend him?

* * *

"Damn that father." Ranma muttered curses under his breath as he twisted some water off his clothes. The next second his frown was replaced by a grin as he turned towards Ryo-kun. "Ya can't come to school with me," he said, "so you've gotta stay here, understood? Don't cause any trouble to Kasumi." 

"I'm sure he won't be any trouble," Kasumi said cheerfully. "Such a cute little pig surely wouldn't do anything inappropriate!" She smiled at the pig, who nodded enthusiastically. Better to play along.

"That's great. Now, let's go!" With this, Ranma dashed out and started to run towards the school in damp clothes. Akane, as always, was running down on the street right beside him.

"That pig will cause trouble," muttered Akane, sounding more angry with the pig than Ranma was with his father, who had upon his entering the house poured cold water over his son for revenge. "Mark my words; no good will come from that thing." She said the "that thing" as if it'd been a foul word.

"What exactly d'you have against my pig?" asked Ranma, sounding exasperated. "He ain't ever done nothing to you. Feel free to be angry at me for no reason, but don't take it out on Ryo-kun!"

Now, Akane fumed even more. If Ranma only had known --! But she couldn't tell. Wouldn't. She'd given her word for that, and she'd die rather than break her promise. She wasn't like Ranma.

Just then, however, the form of a human dropped onto the fencetop right in front of Ranma. Ranma stopped on his track, looking in surprise at the other boy. "Ryoga?" he asked. "Whatcha doin' here?"

"Looking for you." As the bandanna-clad boy saw Ranma's wary expression, he raised his hands in a calming gesture. "Don't worry, I do not want to fight," he said. "In fact, that's why I wanted to talk to you."

"And ya actually found me?" asked Ranma, sounding amazed. "I'm real impressed."

"Could you just drop that?" the other boy asked, sounding embarrassed. At the same time he was carefully avoiding Akane's eyes, uneasy under her heated glare. "Anyway. I've thought about things, and I think that my hatred for you was rather unfounded. So, I just thought... Could we perhaps be... friends?"

Now, Ranma was stunned. He simply stared at the fanged boy, not believing his ears.

"It's not like I didn't still want to defeat you, no," Ryoga continued, now looking rather uneasy. "It just isn't all that matters, now is it? I can win you in a match without having to kill you."

"Being sure about ourselves, are we?" asked Ranma. After a moment of thinking, he said, "Okay."

"W-what?" asked Ryoga, genuinely surprised, like his wide eyes well showed. "O-okay what?"

"Okay, let's be friends." Ranma smiled, sticking out his hand. "Ya seem like a good guy, Ryoga. Besides, it'd be nice to have a friend who can actually get even close to matching my skills!"

"Hey!" exclaimed Akane angrily. "What about me, eh? What am I to you, then?"

The pigtailed boy blinked in surprise, turning to look at his reluctant fiancée. "Well, considering your usual behaviour, you most certainly don't want to be my friend," he said. "And besides, you're nowhere near to match my skill. And you're a _girl_ on top of all."

Ryoga may not have had any sense of direction, but he did have some senses at least. Therefore, he knew better than well that he should now leave, lest he receive an accidental beating along with Ranma. So, he decided to walk right towards the fighting couple. In no time at all he found himself happily lost once again.

* * *

"Kami-sama, what a day." Ranma sighed, sitting on the roof. "At first pops, then fightin' with Akane twice and Kuno thrice. And like that hadn't been not enough, I got hit by cold water on my way home. Twice. Couldn't've gotten more insane if it'd tried to." Ryo-kun, who was sitting in his lap, didn't even bwee in agreement, just leant back against the boy. It was incredibly comfortable, Ranma's lap. 

"Y'know what, Ryo-kun?" Ranma asked from the animal in his lap. "Ryoga came to talk to me on my way to school today. He said he wanted to be friends. Ain't that amazing? I mean, I'd never have thought. Maybe he's a nice guy after all." He smiled cheerfully. "I'm real happy, y'know. Never had a real friend before. Me and pops were always goin' 'round, didn't really get to know anyone."

Ryo-kun began to feel slightly uneasy. His main reason for the offer of friendship had been seeing how Ranma would react. If the other boy had refused, then it'd been okay to hate him and use his new position as Ranma's pet on his advantage in any way possible to ruin Ranma's life. However, now he didn't feel too sure about it. Not only had Ranma readily accepted his offer, but he seemed to be genuinely happy about the thought of having a friend. Well, of course. Running always around training with his father, Ranma probably had about as many steady human relationships as Ryoga himself, being eternally lost.

How could he properly hate Ranma now? He couldn't, really. It looked like Ranma really hadn't meant to ruin his life, no matter how improbable that had seemed at first. Instead, Ranma was just like him -- a young boy with very few friends. They both could probably indeed use a good friend. And who could understand their situation better than each other? Nobody, that's who.

No, he could not view Ranma as his enemy anymore. That didn't of course mean he'd give up on defeating him, just like he'd told Ranma earlier that day. However, he also wanted to be friends with the other boy -- or at least try to. They were rather similar in the end; they might get along pretty well.

And, of course, if there was somebody he had to befriend, that somebody could just as well be handsome.

Ryo-kun was quite flushed and very thankful that blushing didn't really show up on a black pig. Like previously stated, this was getting really out of hooves. Having a crush on female Ranma, that he might have handled, but having a crush on male Ranma was just impossible. Wrong. Despicable.

And exactly what he was doing now.

He should have been ashamed. Really, he should. Still, he couldn't help but feel rather glad as Ranma shivered a bit, then took him into his hands and pressed him against his chest. "Come on, Ryo-kun. We'd better get inside," Ranma said, standing up with the pig still in his hands. Again, Ryo-kun stayed silent, simply enjoying the feel of a muscular chest against his back. This was wrong, wrong and oh-so wonderful.

Well, if he really had to have a crush on a guy, it might just as well be somebody who was female at least part of the time. That way, he could at least somehow justify his feelings.

...Except that while it felt good being held against female Ranma's chest, this was even better...

Naughty Ryo-kun, naughty.

* * *

A/N: ...I truly like the word "bwee" now. 

Next chapter:

Kodachi, the Black Rose, shows up and falls in love, like we all know she did. However, _who_ she falls in love with is an important question. Kukukukuku.


	3. Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics

Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: Just to make one thing clear: If a thing that happened in the manga is not mentioned at all, you can assume that the manga version counts for the fic as well. If I don't want some event portrayed in the manga to be included in the storyline of this fic, I'll make sure to offer an explanation of some kind as of why it did not happen in this reality. (You'll hopefully see what I mean in the next chapter.)

* * *

A Pig's Life 

Chapter 3:

Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics

* * *

"Has Ryo-kun returned yet, Kasumi-san?" asked Ranma as she came back from school, squeezing water from her clothes. In her mind he was cursing that old lady and her ladle. She must be the master of some kind of Martial Arts Water Throwing, that was the only way she could hit him every single time! 

"I'm afraid not, Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied, smiling apologetically. "There's somebody else here you might want to see, though. He said that he is your friend, and he didn't seem to want to fight."

"What? Who's it?" asked Ranma, hurrying past her to see who was awaiting him. As he saw the guest, his expression turned into one of delight. "Hi, Ryoga!" he called. "Finally found your way back here, did ya!"

"Oh, shut up, Ranma," replied his friend, laughing a bit. "And who's this Ryo-kun you keep asking after?"

"Oh, he's my pet," Ranma said cheerfully. "A little black piglet. He's got a bandanna 'round his neck much like that you've got on your head, so I named 'im Ryo-kun. A real good fighter, that one."

"You named a pig after me?" Ryoga asked dryly, raising an eyebrow. "I'm _not_ flattered."

"Ryoga, eh?" asked Soun, who walked into the room just then, obviously having heard Ranma's shout earlier. "So were you the one sneaking into my daughter's room the other night?"

"W-what?" stammered Ryoga, flushing a bit. "Well, yes... But I assure you, that was not my intention! I was looking for Ranma to challenge him into a fight. However, I somehow got lost on my way to his room."

"He's tellin' the truth," Ranma spoke up. "Probably can't find his way outta the room on his own. I used ta lead him home all the time when we were kids. It just ain't possible to him to find his way nowhere."

"Ah, yes. I see." The man nodded. "Very well, then." And, with that, he walked away.

Ryoga stared after him for a while, dumbfounded. Then he turned towards Ranma and said weakly, "Eh?"

"Ya get used ta it," Ranma sighed, shaking his head. "As impossible as it seems, ya do."

* * *

"D'you even know how to use these things?" asked Ranma dryly as he looked at Akane, who was armed with a hoop and a ribbon. Akane's slightly annoyed response, however, didn't reach his ears as his interest was caught by a completely different sound. Both teens turned towards the door of the dojo, where the sound had come from. Ranma was delighted and Akane annoyed to see a small, black piglet coming. 

"Ryo-kun!" Ranma exclaimed. "Where've ya been? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"I could have done without seeing it ever again," muttered Akane. "That pig means only trouble."

"Oh, shut up," Ranma said annoyedly. "You're just jealous coz you aren't even as cute as Ryo-kun!"

"Cute?" echoed Akane disbelievingly. "You're calling that perverted beast _cute_?"

"Hey, even the ugliest monster would be cute compared with ya," the boy replied boredly. Then he quite effortlessly dodged Akane's furious swing of a club, his pet held securely in one hand.

"Whatever, but it's not going to stay here!" yelled Akane furiously. "I'm not going to practice as long as that -- that _thing_ is here!" She pointed at Ryo-kun, who was trying to be invisible.

"Sorry, Ryo-kun," Ranma said quietly to his pig as he carried it out of the dojo. "I hafta watch her so she doesn't do nothin' ta hurt herself. But be sure to turn up again later, will ya?"

The pig 'bwee'd in agreement and sped off into the darkening night. For a moment Ranma watched its retreating form, then sighed and turned around, returning to watch Akane making a fool of herself.

Ranma watched as Akane got tangled in the ribbon for the umpteenth time. He was now seriously wishing that he had left with Ryo-kun. Akane was simply hopeless; it was a pain to watch her failing -- er, training.

"You seemingly really don't know how to use those, do you?" asked a calm voice from the door. The girl turned around as quickly as she could with all her limbs trapped by the ribbon, a growl erupting from her chest. Ranma turned around as well, delighted to see who was there.

"Ryoga!" exclaimed Ranma, but his voice was drowned in Akane's enraged yell.

"That's it!" she yelled in fury. "Make fun of me, why don't you? I'd like to see either of you doing better!" At this she threw various objects at them despite still being tied by the ribbon.

Both boys dodged the hoops, ribbons, balls, and clubs without any real effort, each catching one ribbon in their hands. "Remember, Ranma -- no unarmed attacks!" Ryoga reminded. The pigtailed boy just snorted, throwing a ball behind his head while striking out with the ribbon he was holding.

Ryoga caught the ribbon in one hand while lashing out with his own weapon. He didn't even blink as Ranma avoided his attack, just dodged the ball thrown by Ranma earlier that by now had bounced off the wall and flew right towards his head. Throwing a hoop and forcing Ranma to jump, he struck again with the ribbon, making it twist around Ranma's ankle. Except that the pigtailed boy wasn't there anymore; instead he had bounced off the wall, now aiming at Ryoga with a ball.

They continued this for some time, then both landed softly on one foot. After looking at each other for a fleeting second they turned towards Akane. At seeing her both muttered, "Uh-oh."

A second later the two boys hurried outside, not wanting to face Akane's frustrated rage. It wasn't until after her yelling had faded from their hearing that they finally slowed down. Glancing at each other, they were silent for a while. Then both started to laugh. "Did ya see her face?" Ranma managed to say.

"Oh, I did," chuckled Ryoga. "I thought she was going to explode! Not a very good loser, is she?"

"Definitely not." Ranma shook his head in amusement. "By the way," he then said, "I hafta admit you're good at armed combat. Though you still ain't as good as me unarmed," he added with a grin.

Ryoga grinned as well. "Stuff it, Saotome," he said cheerfully. "You weren't too bad, either."

"Hey!" protested the pigtailed boy. "I managed ta keep you at bay, and I specialize in unarmed combat!"

"Do you really think I'd fight against you with all my skills?" asked the fanged boy, then dodged the halfhearted strike at his direction. "My, my. It looks like Akane isn't the only sore loser."

"Don't ya dare compare me with her," grumbled Ranma, sending his friend a glare. Ryoga responded with a teasing grin. Unable to stop himself, Ranma found himself grinning as well.

"Maybe we should return," he then suggested. "She's hopefully calmed down by now." Ryoga agreed, nodding and starting to walk -- to the opposite direction. "Er... Ryoga? We should be going _there_..."

"Oh, yes!" Ryoga exclaimed. "'m sorry." He then turned -- again to the wrong direction. Ranma sighed.

After a few futile attempts to make his friend go to the right direction, Ranma finally gave up. Grasping Ryoga's wrist he started to drag the other boy towards the house of the Tendos. The eternally lost boy followed, secretly glad for the darkness that hid the slightly flustered tone of his cheeks.

* * *

Akane stared at the girl in front of her. Just what was she thinking? First breaking into her room and attacking her, and now claiming it was "in all fairness"? "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" she exclaimed, fuming with rage. Who did this bitch think she was? 

"I, however, think that it is very reasonable," the other girl told with a smirk. "In fact, I see it as the perfect way to deal with my opponents." She smiled a bit, looking very self-confident.

"Well, I don't!" Akane snapped. "Now, get out of here before I make you leave! I'd like to actually get some sleep tonight." At this, she turned around to return to her bed.

Akane sensed the mallet before she even heard the swish of air. In an instant she turned and kicked it out of Kodachi's hand. Then she stood still, glaring at her opponent.

It looked like Kodachi did not shy away from even the lowest of tricks. A tough opponent, indeed.

* * *

"Get here and fight like a man, Ranma!" roared a voice that was not very angry after all. The addressed teen just laughed and leapt easily to the roof to avoid the fanged boy's attack. 

Ryoga growled in mock anger and threw a ball towards Ranma, knowing that the other boy would manage to avoid being hit. However, the ball hit something else. Startled, he saw a young girl in tights falling from the roof. Immediately he leapt up to catch her before she hit the ground.

Landing on the roof, he glanced at the girl, trying to avoid the strong blush that threatened to hit him for being so close to a girl. This was easier than it would have been some time earlier, as his time as Ryo-kun had often brought him close to Ranma's girl form, who was definitely better formed than this girl. Now he managed to be almost absolutely normal as he looked at the girl and asked, "You all right?"

For a moment the girl just stared at him, then blushed. Then, to Ryoga's immense shock, she suddenly hugged him close, sobbing and muttering, "I was so _frightened_!"

"There, there..." Ryoga awkwardly tried to calm her. As she then inquired his name, he replied, "Hibiki Ryoga..." For some reason the girl made him wary. He placed her on the roof, taking a step back.

The next thing he knew the girl was offering him a bunch of black roses -- where she had pulled them from, Ryoga did definitely not know. "For you, my Ryoga-sama!" she chirped. The moment he got a whiff of the smell of the roses, however, he felt a shock going through him.

The girl laughed at him as he fell down, unable to stand up anymore. "A bit of paralysis gas in the bouquet!" she cackled, standing over him like some insane goddess.

"Are you crazy?" blurted Ryoga, barely managing to push himself up from the roof. Then, however, he was brought down again as the girl suddenly landed on top of him, pushing him down.

"Now, my Ryoga-sama," she said, her hands grasping on his shoulders. "Be brave... and _take_ these lips of mine!" She lowered her face towards his. All he could do was to stare in horror, unable to move.

Then, however, the rescue came in the form of a wet, pigtailed girl. "Get off him, ya freaky bitch!" Ranma exclaimed, kicking the strange girl out of sight. Then she turned towards Ryoga, a concerned look on her face. "Sorry for not gettin' here earlier," she said apologetically. "I kinda got shocked and landed in the pond. You okay?" she then asked. "...Ya really can't not move, can ya?"

Ryoga couldn't even shake his head, leave alone speak. He found that even turning his eyes was getting pretty difficult as the poison spread through him. As Ranma realized this, she sighed.

"C'mon," she said, easily lifting him on her shoulder, seemingly not bothered by his weight at all. "I can't leave ya to sleep here, can I? Ya'd freeze ta death, y'know. I'll get ya inside."

In a moment Ryoga found himself dropped on the floor of the room Ranma and his father slept in, then covered with a blanket. "I'm gonna take a quick bath," Ranma said to him as an explanation. "I ain't gonna not sleep a girl!" She then left the room, seemingly in a hurry. However, she -- or, rather, he --did return rather soon, laying himself down on his own bed not too far from where Ryoga lay. "'Night."

Ryoga could not respond, but he did not care. He somehow managed to move his eyes, which was more than enough for him. After all, he was lying only a couple of feet away from the not-too-heavily-clothed Ranma, who seemingly did not care much for blankets, either. Therefore, despite his rather disturbing condition, Ryoga soon slept peacefully, the image of a sleeping Ranma still clear in his mind.

* * *

"Hey, Kasumi-san!" Ranma said cheerfully as he walked into the room. "Ryoga slept over; some freaky girl called the Black Petunia or somethin' like that paralyzed him and I couldn't leave him nowhere ta freeze dead. D'ya have enough breakfast for him as well?" he asked happily. Ryoga peered carefully over his shoulder, now able to move but rather wary about facing Akane after their humiliating her the night before. 

"But of course, Ranma-kun!" the eldest of the Tendo girls said, a happy smile on her face. "Just sit down, both of you, and I'll get you something to eat!" She happily hurried into the kitchen.

"Kami-sama," muttered Ryoga. "Just how weird is your life if she takes that like it's nothing?"

"It's not nothin', she's just Kasumi," Ranma commented lightly. "She'll take anythin' like that. Oh, Akane!" he said with a fake grin at his fiancée, who had just entered the room. "Mastered the ribbon yet, eh?"

Ryoga watched rather calmly as his friend made a great arc through the air, landing right at the pond, splashing water everywhere. "Your aim is rather good, Akane-san," he commented lightly.

"Shut up, pervert," growled the girl. "I'll soon kick you there to accompany him, too!" However, a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she started to eat -- even though she still was glaring at Ryoga.

* * *

Next Chapter: 

Kodachi won't stop bothering Ryoga. However, Ranma comes up with a solution that might help not only Ryoga but also him when it comes to troublesome Kunos...


	4. Furious Females

Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: As this is an AU, I have every right to make things not go exactly like they did in the magna. I'm making full use of that right, too.

* * *

A Pig's Life

Chapter 4:

Furious females

* * *

"Why, why, why does she hate me?" Ranma growled as she ran towards the school. "And don't try telling me she doesn't. It's obvious she aims at me!" 

"Maybe you just have bad luck," Ryoga replied, too relieved at having avoided the cold water himself to truly feel much compassion for his currently girl-shaped friend. Turning into Ryo-kun in front of Ranma would be about the worst possible thing that could happen to him. It would mean telling goodbye to both spying his rival and the only proper friend he had.

Never mind the nights slept in Ranma's bed. Although he only would miss those since it was way more comfortable than camping out in some unidentifiable forest. Yes, that was it.

"At least this morning can't get any worse than this," Ranma muttered. "I'll go crazy if anything else happens."

Ryoga chuckled a bit at Ranma's foul mood. As long as it wasn't directed at him, it was almost cute – that was, amusing. The other probably didn't even realize how girlish his little pout seemed. His own morning was thankfully quite a bit better.

"There you are, my Ryoma-sama!" bellowed a voice he recognized much to his grief. …Okay, forget about the good morning.

"Isn't that the freak that paralyzed you the other night?" Ranma asked. "She beat Akane pretty good in that martial arts gymnastics match. Akane wouldn't shut up for a week 'bout how she must've cheated."

"Oh, no," muttered Ryoga, wishing with all his might it was just dome unexplained illusion and not the real thing. Of course, he wouldn't be that lucky. Black rose petals showered over them as a ribbon reached out to wrap around him. Preparing to jump aside, Ryoga cursed his bad luck.

He never got the opportunity to dodge, however, as somebody else had already grasped on the ribbon, glaring at Kodachi as the gymnastics expert landed lightly on the ground in front of them. "Leave him alone or I'm gonna make you regret this," Ranma growled. Oh, yes, friends were a good thing to have indeed.

Kodachi gave Ranma a hateful glare. "Who are you?" she asked, an unpleasant smirk on her face.

"Me?" Ranma blinked, looking at first at her newly acquired enemy, then at Ryoga and his desperate expression. She grinned self-confidently and said, "I am Ranko Saotome... Ryoga's girlfriend." At this, she jumped to her now very startled friend's side, clutching on his arm and staring at Kodachi challengingly.

"I see," the rhytmic gymnastics master said slowly. "I'll just have to take him from you, then!" Spinning a ribbon, spreading some more black rose petals everywhere, she then fled with a maniacal laugh.

Ranma sighed, shaking her head as she looked after the obviously insane girl. Then she glanced at the still shocked Ryoga. "My reputation is ruined now, you know," she said lightly. "But you could always return the favour."

"What do you mean?" asked the Lost Boy, confused. He was still a bit dazed at Ranma's sudden announcement. Sure, he knew that it was a lie, but those words still made him feel strange. To be exact, he desired to hear them from real from Ranma's lips – no, not that. It was just because Ranma was in fact quite a pretty girl and he wouldn't mind hearing some pretty girl saying them and actually meaning what she said.

"Easy," Ranma's voice broke into his thoughts. "Ya remember what I told ya about Kuno, right? Well, I'm gonna keep telling Kodachi I'm your girlfriend if ya tell Kuno you're my boyfriend. At best it's gonna save us both from a lot of trouble, and at worst we're just gonna have to fight them. I guess you'd rather fight Kuno the Idiot than try ta avoid Kodachi the Maniac, wouldn't ya?"

Ryoga gave him a weak smile. "...I guess so."

* * *

Kuno was, it turned out, quite an easy opponent. Keeping him away while Ranma looked for hot water wasn't much of a problem, and his threats sounded more like jokes than anything. It was clear none of the threats of a more violent nature were going to get fulfilled any time soon – not unless Ryoga suddenly found himself paralyzed and tied to a nearby tree with a blindfold – and the kind of "I'll steal her heart back from you, you vile beast!" were even more ridiculous. After all, it wasn't like either of them had Ranma's heart at the first place. 

By the time Ranma managed to turn back into a boy, it was just about the time for the lesson to start. Ranma thanked Ryoga for his help enthusiastically, then expressed his just as enthusiastic wish nobody had seen the commotion, unlikely though that was. Ryoga himself simply wished Akane hadn't seen anything.

Of course, he didn't really expect to be that fortunate…

* * *

"Damn that Nabiki," sighed Ranma. "Only she would think of actually recording the declarations and threatening to spread them around." 

"Why are you complaining?" Ryoga asked. "It's not like you said anything embarrassing near her. 'Pigtailed girl' hardly is enough to ruin your reputation as long as nobody knows it's you."

"Well, somebody's gonna figure out the truth sooner or later," Ranma pointed out. "When that happens, we'll both hear more than enough of jokes 'bout our 'relationship.'"

"If that happens, Kuno's going to realize the truth, too," Ryoga replied. "And when that happens, me being called your boyfriend is the least of your worries. How do you think the idiot will take to realizing he has been declaring his undying love to another boy?"

Ranma sighed. "I won't have a moment of peace for the next year or so… Honestly, one would think he would have realized already he can't beat me!"

Ryoga simply nodded in response. Kuno's idiocy was indeed something to marvel at.

"Ryoga?" asked Ranma then, his gaze somewhere in the horizon. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm-hmm," replied the other boy. "Ask away, though I don't promise to answer."

"Where exactly did ya get your combat umbrella?"

* * *

Getting lost was, most of the time, a pain. However, when it involved several transformations, a close call with an all-you-can-eat restaurant specializing in pork, and a little girl tying a bow around his neck, it was simply horrible. 

Thankfully he had managed to get rid of the bow around the time he finally wandered back to the Tendo residence. Who knew how long Ranma would have laughed at him for that.

Now, Ranma didn't laugh, although he did grin. Great. At last somebody who was actually happy about him showing up, even if only as a pig. This was exactly what he needed – no sarcasm included.

"Hey, Ryo-kun!" exclaimed Ranma. "It's about the time you showed up. Look at what I got for you!" He had a small umbrella in his hand. "Now you can fight just like Ryoga! I got it from the same store, even."

The little black piglet let out a loud, happy "Bweee!" and quickly ran to Ranma. Ryo-kun took the little umbrella in his teeth and waved it around a couple of times as though testing it. Ranma watched it with a cheerful grin.

"Yeah, it's heavy," he said, grinning. "Just like Ryoga's. Just think of the damage you can do to your surroundings now!"

Ryo-kun nodded happily, glad to have at least something to make up for his ridiculous size even in his pig form. Oh, yeah, this was good. Maybe that idiotic cat he always had to fight with would finally take him seriously if he was wielding this!

Of course, his moment of happiness was rudely interrupted by the arrival of a certain pig-hating girl. Well, a girl that hated a certain pig, anyway.

"Is that thing here again?" Akane asked sharply as she saw Ryo-kun. "I hoped it would have got lost for good this time."

"You're just jealous because somethin' actually likes me for once," Ranma huffed, taking a defensive step closer to Ryo-kun. "Get over it. Ryo-kun's my pet and that's it."

"You should think again," Akane muttered, glaring at the pig. Then, however, she sighed. "Well, at least it isn't as strange as some people… even if it does like you."

"Huh?" Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Who do you mean?" Ryo-kun bwee'd in question as well.

"There was a really weird girl at the skating rink," Akane told them. "She even stole Miyuki-chan's dog and named him Georgette or something like that. She actually called the puppy kitty her own! Miyuki-chan was so upset, too!"

"Sounds stupid," Ranma commented calmly. "That kinda people shouldn't be allowed to appear in public without anybody to look after 'em. That's just freaky."

Ryo-kun added his enthusiastic agreement. Looking at the episode from a pet's point of view he sympathized more with the poor dog than with Miyuki-chan, though. Seriously, Georgette? Nothing could possibly be worse.

"I wonder what she would have named Ryo-kun if she had stolen him instead," Akane said with a bit mean tone. "Perhaps… Charlotte?"

Okay, forget that. Charlotte would indeed be much, much worse than Georgette. Thankfully, however, he had avoided both. Ranma would rather die than call his pet with any of those names.

It was almost scary, how natural it seemed to call himself Ranma's pet. Of course, this only applied when he was Ryo-kun, but still. Just a few months ago he would have beat anyone who even suggested he'd one day call himself Ranma's friend, never mind pet – even if it was only in his pig form. Real men weren't other people's pets.

Then again, real men weren't kind of happy at the thought of spending the night in another man's bed, either…

Even if it was only because a warm bed was nicer than the forest. Yes, that was exactly it.

"Ryo-kun's not as stupid as to get caught like that," Ranma said dryly. "'sides, unlike somebody as miserable a fighter as you, I'd actually be able to defend him even if his own fighting skills weren't enough to keep away any freaks that show up."

Ryo-kun didn't have the time to enjoy this compliment as he was in too much of a hurry to jump out of the way as Akane attacked Ranma. Torn between testing out his new umbrella and avoiding enraging Akane even more – after all, the girl wielded the ultimate weapon of knowing his secret, very much able to destroy whatever friendship he had managed to achieve with Ranma – he found the decision taken out of his hooves. Akane had managed to find a glass of water somewhere and expertly aimed it over Ranma, turning him into a girl.

"Now you've done it!" Ranma roared, attacking Akane with even more ferocity than before. Right now Ryo-kun had no intention of getting in the middle of their fight. Before, he could have participated; right now he doubted either of the girls would make any difference between their opponent and a semi-innocent little pig lost in the middle.

At least Ranma looked quite good, Ryo-kun decided, watching the fight. Especially with the way the now wet shirt clung to her very female chest. This was truly something a young boy – or a pig – could rest his eyes on without feeling guilty.

His musings, however, were rudely interrupted as somebody suddenly kicked the wall in. Bouncing to Ranma's side, Ryoga stared in shock at the Chinese-looking girl who has suddenly appeared where previously had been the wall.

"Ranma!" shouted the girl furiously, confirming she hadn't simply got lost – not that simply lost people usually crushed walls to ask for directions. "Me kill you!"

Ranma froze in the middle of a kick aimed at Akane. Her expression was something between surprise, shock, and nigh-terror. "Sh-shampoo?"

* * *

Next chapter: Shampoo. Enough said.  



End file.
